Monday, December 29, 2008

A Response

The little rant below is something I wrote but did not send in response to some name calling that got out of hand.

My Dad has a habit of sending lots of political email and spam and he doesn't think before he sends it. Most of the people he sends stuff to have differing opinions and spend most of their time waiting for the grim reaper.

They don't really understand all this new-fangled inter-mail thingy stuff. That's why they feel no shame in hitting "reply to all" when they feel like telling Big Lou what an idiot he is.

And then someone who agrees with Big Lou also replies to all and the next thing you know my inbox starts filling up with crap.

I wanted very badly to send this to Big Lou and a couple of idiots who were flaming each other but then good sense kicked in and I decided to just post it here. This is what I almost said:


OK gang,

Let's talk a little about email etiquette.

Here are some helpful hints that might just put an end to this kind of thing.

Rule 1: Always remember that Email is just like regular mail, only faster, much easier to track and it never, ever, goes away.

Rule 2: In view of rule number 1, never send unsolicited, potentially inflammatory, or pornographic material to anyone. Ever. Leave that to teenagers who don't know any better.

Rule 3: If someone sends you something that violates rule 2 you have several options. You can

A. add them to your blocked sender / spam list and keep their messages out of your inbox permanently,

B. delete whatever they send unread or

C. start what's called a flame war and respond via email. A or B are the best choices. C, again, is the option for teenagers.

Rule 4: If you feel absolutely compelled to choose option C and call the sender a slack-jawed fathead you can do it in one of the following ways:

A. Get in your car, drive to their house, knock on the door and say "You, sir or madam, are a slack-jawed fat head. Good day."

B. Pick up the phone, call the sender and say "You, sir or madam, are a slack-jawed fat head. Good day."

C. Select the "Reply to sender" option on your email and reply TO THE SENDER ONLY, telling him that he's a slack-jawed fat head.

Rule 5: IT IS NEVER, EVER ACCEPTABLE TO SELECT "REPLY TO ALL" AND DRAG PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT INTERESTED INTO AN ARGUMENT FOR SLACK-JAWED FAT HEADS!

Keep these rules in mind and we'll soon realize Rodney King's dream of all getting along.

Good day.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

One More Try

I already posted a favorite fish recipe and didn’t get a single response, but I still haven’t learned my lesson.

Yesterday I got a text from my sister in law telling me that she and a cousin had dcided that in addition to the other food we're taking to Mona's family Christmas that I should also bring this.

This is one that I adapted from a cookbook I found, and so of all the food I’ve ever served has to be the biggest hit. Basically I substituted smoked salmon for poached and shallots for green onion. I think mine has a much fuller flavor. So here goes.

Smoked Salmon Pate’

2 Packages of cream cheese
6-8 Oz smoked salmon
2 to 3 medium shallots
3 Cloves of Garlic
½ cup Fresh Parsley
¼ stick of butter
1 Tsp dried Thyme
½ Tsp salt
½ Tsp coarse ground black pepper

Set cream cheese and butter out to soften.

The rest can be done by hand, but if you’ve got the appliances, I say use ‘em.

In a food processor finely chop the parsley, then peel shallots and garlic and chop until diced. (Warning, too much chopping will liquefy the shallots, so be careful).

Add Cream cheese, butter, parsley, shallots, salt, pepper and Thyme to mixing bowl and mix slow to medium to combine.

Remove any skin and bone from the smoked salmon, cut into one inch cubes and place evenly in the food processor. Chop until fine, again being careful not to do it too much. Too little is OK, the mixer is going to help out in a second.

Fold the salmon into the mixer slowly. Once everything is combined mix on high until smooth and a little fluffy.

Chill for 10 minutes (or more) and serve with water crackers.

For larger amounts use the following ratios of Cream Cheese to Salmon:

3 packs to 12 Oz
4 packs to 16 Oz
5 packs to 20 Oz

Everything else increases by about a third, but do it to taste and trust your judgment.

Try this one at your next get together. I swear it’s a crowd pleaser.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Cold

It is cold here. I mean really cold. This is the coldest December I can recall. We got to zero last night. That means it was so cold that there was no temperature. It means that when the Mercury hit 2 Fahrenheit that the temperature had actually doubled since the last reading.

I've come up with a new scale for cold.

First we have crisp. Then comes brisk, followed by bracing. Next we have cold, really cold and holy crap. Then we get to where we are now, which is areyoufreakingkiddingme. The last bank sign I saw actually said that.

It's so cold..

(This is the part where you say "How cold is it?)

It's so cold that Brass Monkeys are leaving town by the busload.

It's so cold that dogs are getting stuck to fire hydrants.

This morning when I let the dogs out I found the corpse of an Eskimo that appeared to have been half eaten by a polar bear.

It's so cold there are penguins in my birdbath.

It's so cold Al Gore is changing his PowerPoint slides.

It's so cold that cows are giving Ice Cream.

It's so cold that people are warming their hands on witches hooters and well diggers asses.

The Iditarod is now coming through South East Michigan.

Even the fat guys have stopped wearing shorts.

It's so cold people are drinking cups of liquid Nitrogen to stay warm.

I saw a bird take off, get hit by a strong gust of wind, freeze solid while in flight and explode into a thousand pieces when it hit the ground.

It's so cold the Abominable Snow Man showed up in a warming shelter downtown and now refuses to leave.

There's been some wild talk around here about finding that "F&*@*ing groundhog and water boarding that little furry b@#%*rd until he admits that he's never, ever seen his M@#^&er F$%*(ing shadow and hopes he never does." Let's hope it's just talk.

Last night The Peanut's rubber ducky sank after hitting an ice berg in the bathtub.

The farmers market has been closed. It has been replaced with an open air meat locker.

It's so cold Molasses is wishing it was January.

It's so cold that it's now possible to walk all the way across all 5 Great Lakes. Lake Erie, the shallowest of them, is now one soild block of ice and is not expected to fully thaw until October 2009.


There's more, but I think you get the idea.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Learning the Hard Way

Sometime in the early summer my neighbors Ed and Debbie put their house up for sale. Debbie had been offered a job on the east coast and they were moving. The real reason for the move was so that they could be closer to their children, both of whom are grown and getting ready to start families.

They were simply fabulous neighbors and we miss the heck out of them.

Because their house was so very nice it sold quickly to another couple with older children. Dan and Stephanie moved here from Tennessee when Stephanie was transferred by her company. Dan has a job that allows him to live anywhere. Their children had remained in the south.

After they settled in a little I went over and introduced myself and chatted for a little while. They were born and raised in the Volunteer State and had never experienced a northern winter.

I told them to buy a snow blower and that they wouldn't regret it. They told me that other people had told them the same thing and that if they waited for the snow it would be too late.

On Friday we got our first real snowstorm of the year. We'd had other snow fall, but not much more than two inches or so. We got around 10 inches of powdery snow in about 8 hours and it was really cold and windy, which lead to blowing and drifting.

Mona and I went to work together and when we got home I went outside to fire up my snow blower and clear the driveway.

Most of the other neighbors were already cleared out. But when I went outside I saw Dan in his back yard. So I figured I'd head over there just to say "Welcome to Michigan." And that's when I learned just how little they know about snow.

When I got to their fence I saw Dan shoveling. But he wasn't using a snow shovel to plow the snow out of the way. Nope. He had a coal shovel and was using it to fill up a wheel barrow! Then he was dumping the snow in his back yard. It was funny and sad at the same time. If I was a southerner I think the expression would be "Well bless his heart!"

I didn't have the heart to tell him "I told you so" or to offer shoveling tips, but I told him that I'd come over with my snow blower and finish up. Stephanie came to the door and we talked for a bit. They were both a little shell shocked. I told them that this was a pretty good snow but that it wasn't a crippler. We'd be fine by today.

We've got another inch or two tonight and more coming on Tuesday. Not much, maybe 4 inches all in all. The upside is we're guaranteed a white Christmas.

I hope Dan and Stephanie go out and get themselves a snow machine. They're good investments if you're over 35 and live anyplace that gets real snow.

My snow blower is freaking awesome. I shoveled for seven years, but after ending up in the E.R. on the morning of my wedding getting shot up with Morphine and ending up stoned on Vicodin and muscle relaxers for the rest of the day because I blew my back out shoveling, Mona let me get this.

I've got the biggest one on the block. I do my house, 2 others neighbors driveways and the sidewalks for 5 houses. I'm pretty sure all the neighbor ladies think "Wow, what a stud- His wife is so lucky!" when they see me skillfully controlling such a powerful machine.

Oh yeah.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Interview

I had hoped for some more feedback on the previous post, but since there was praise from the master I'll deal.

As near as I can tell this started with Evil Twins Wife. These questions were submitted by Alex.

1. You have just made a huge career change. What got you interested in nursing?
I don't know if interested is the right word. Nursing kind of fell into place. In late 2006 I could see the handwriting on the wall at my current job. The wireless industry is becoming more and more commoditized and Michigan has had a shrinking economy for a while now. Mona and I knew that I was not in a long term job.

We thought about relocating and me staying in sales. I also started thinking about other fields, since sales can be a tough gig sometimes. A friend who was in hospital administration told me 6 or more years ago that I should go to Nursing school. My Mom used to tell me that if I wanted to quit my job and go to school to become a speech therapist that I could move back home while I was in school. I leaned heavily towards becoming a dentist.

Before this job I was in the dental industry. I spent 5 years calling on 26 of the most prestigious universities in the world, mostly in their Endodontic (root canal) clinics. I got to know some incredibly smart and in some cases famous (one guy is mentioned in Finding Nemo) dentists. And because I was so fascinated by the field I learned a lot. I used to sit in on post-doctoral seminars just for fun. 90% ore more of it was over my head, but what I did pick up helped me to have conversations at a near peer level with a lot of the residents and department chairs.

I have lots of stories about some of the people I met, and I have a great deal of respect for them and what they do. One in particular is Dr. E. He runs a program in another state and I called him when I was considering going to dental school. He and I talked and he gave me some advice an suggestions. Based on my age and family status dental school was possible, but it would be tough.

Nursing just kept bubbling to the surface. Mona and I saw these accelerated 2nd degree programs and she decided one day to see how long it would take to complete a program, pre-req's included. She worked up a schedule of pre-reqs at the local community colleges and did all the leg work.

Once I saw the plan and after we talked it over, nursing seemed like the best return for the investment of time and money. I expect to end up in administration or sales again, but the sales gig would have to be in the medical device or equipment line and the money would need to be big.

If I can get a masters in health care paid for by the hospital I work for then I might do that. A small part of me things a PhD in Nursing might be cool. And I have heard from some people that if I did that I might be able to get a significant break on tuition for The Peanut if she attends someplace I teach at. That would be helpful too, since I've only approved the Ivy schools, MIT or Stanford for her.

Anyway, once Mona and I talked it over, I registered for a couple of classes and a year and half later (seven months behind the initial time table) here I am.

2. Congratulations! You have won the 10 million dollar jackpot in the lotto! What are your plans for the money?

Is $10 Million enough to have some people whacked and not go to jail? If not I would use it to fund my campaign to become Emperor. I would be Emperor Jorge the Terrible, benevolent despot.

Seriously though, $10 million is enough to get some security, but not enough to join the ranks of the uber-rich.

With that money I'd need to do some stuff. First, get The Peanut into one of the schools mentioned above. Second I'd start looking for businesses to get into. Ideally it would be something that I could do more or less for fun that would also turn a profit. The idea of buying a really, really nice boat, hiring a crew and running it as a live aboard SCUBA charter appeals to me. I'd let it more or less run itself and book a trip a few times a year just to go diving.

I'd also have to use about half a million for go nuts money. My dream has always been to own and fly a P-51D Mustang. I'd have one built while I was learning to fly and spend the time I wasn't diving flying around with the Yankee Airforces B-17 doing airshows around the country. I know, I'm a dork. But in this fantasy I'm a dork with $10 Million in the bank. So there.

I've also promised to hire my best friend, Jefe. Jefe's job will be to be my watch. It would be his job to tell me the time whenever I ask. "What time is it Jefe?" "9:58, Jorge." "Good work, Jefe."

3. What is the last white lie that you told? Why did you tell it?
I kind of danced around the question "When did you check out?" that Ajax asked me today. I just couldn't tell him it was pretty much December 1st.

4. Tell us one odd or interesting thing about yourself that not many people know.
This is a difficult question. Sure there are things that not many people know, but darn few of them are interesting. And the interesting things are the things that most people do know about. And I am a collection of oddities, but I've never taken pains to hide them.

How about this. What if I told you I killed a hippie in the mid seventies and got away with it? Not buying it? What, just because I was born in 1970 doesn't make it impossible. OK, fine. You got me. I've never killed a hippie.

OK, maybe this. I have always felt a little out of place. I am kind of an anachronism. I really feel that I would have fit in well with "The Greatest Generation." I really identify with that cultural ethos. I could see myself enjoying old time comedy on the radio; Bob Hope, Jack Benny, Burns and Allen, Abbott & Costello and all the rest. I wouldn't be at all uncomfortable in suit and tie at a baseball game in the spring or fall. And I love to wear hats. With the exception of the war, I love the whole idea of the 40's, back when men were men and women were glad.

Otherwise how many people know I'm a SCUBA instructor? I've been diving in the following bodies of water: Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, Gulf of Mexico, the Caribbean, Lake Huron, the St. Clair River, the Niagara River (above the Falls, thank you) White Star Quarry, Portage Quarry, the Detroit River (one of the few civilians to do this legally from the US side) Spring Mill Pond (for fresh water jellyfish) a lake who's name I don't recall and one rather large aquarium.

5. What was your worst customer service experience? (This can be a restaurant, store, etc.) What did you do about it?

Oh I don't know. I've had a few and I generally do something about it. The one that still makes me laugh was at a TGI Friday's in Rochester, NY. I went in there for dinner and the place was dead. I was seated and then ignored. Luckily I had a newspaper with me, so I read for 30 minutes. After that I took one of those little plastic stands with the drink special cards in it and tapped it a few times on the brass rail by my table.

When the server showed up I invited him to sit down. Then I told him that since he kept me waiting for a half an hour that I would keep him waiting for half an hour. I gave him the sections of the paper that I was done with and we sat together and read for a while.

He tried to get me to order a couple of times and I just told him that it hadn't been 30 minutes yet. Some of his friends walked by and laughed at him. The manager may or may not have come by. We waited 30 minutes and when we were done I placed my order.

My suspicion is that my food got spit on, but I was ammused and what are you gonna do? I still left him a 20% or so tip.

So that's it. It is supposed to be a chain thing, so just comment "interview me" and I will e-mail you questions for your blog. Please leave your email address if I don't have.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas memories and a new tradition

I have been planning to write this up and post if for a year now. I am also announcing that this post will be republished every year. You are now participating in the birth of a tradition.

Both of my parents were/are totally nuts. Not usually bad (although Big Lou had a temper and Mom could handle herself in a fight) but funny, and, if you were their kid, often embarrassing to some degree.

Everything I am about to tell you is true. I witnessed it first hand.

In December of 1993 my father, Big Lou, worked for an auto company which has recently requested a line of credit through the government.

One of his friends was given some tickets to the Kenny Rogers Christmas Spectacular which was playing at the Fox Theater in downtown Detroit. Three of those tickets found their way to Big Lou.

So I put the folks in my car and we went downtown to see the show. When we got there it turned out that we had front row seats. Big Lou sat on the left-hand end of the row, then Mom and then me.

The opening act was Shelby Lynne, who, despite having a Sinead O’Conner haircut was pretty cute and very enjoyable.

When the curtains opened up to start the main act the music started and out comes Kenny Rogers. He’s carrying a bunch of tambourines and he starts tossing them into the crowd.

My mother suddenly turned into Arnold Horshack, waving her arms in the air, bouncing half out of her seat and yelling Oooo! Oooo! Kenny (I call him Kenny) sees her, and sensing her desperation tosses Mom a Tambourine and goes on with his opening number.

Then he talks to the crowd a bit and tells the lucky few Tambourinists how and when to provide accompaniment and goes on with the show. He does a song or two and then stops. The house lights come up and Kenny starts to talk again.

He tells the audience how much he likes to watch the crowd as he performs. He can always tell who his fans are when he sees them singing along to every song in his repertoire. And he can also spot people who have been dragged in against their will. “People like this guy” he says, pointing to my Father.

The subsequent conversation went something like this:

Kenny: What’s you name?

Big Lou: Lou!

Kenny: Lou, tell me the truth now, you won’t hurt my feelings. Would you say you’re a big fan and you know all my songs, kind of a fan and you know some of the songs, or not a fan at all?

Big Lou: Kind of a fan.

Kenny: Kind of a fan. OK, Lou. Prove it. I’ll tell you what. For every one of my songs that you can name, I’ll give you $10.

Naturally, Big Lou freezes like a skinny dipping Inuit. Mom and I start trying to feed him answers. “The Gambler, Ruby, Lucile, Coward of the County...”

But we get shushed by Kenny. “No helping” he says.

Big Lou: The Gambler

Kenny: The Gambler. (Sighs and rolls his eyes) Fine. Here you go.

And he tosses Big Lou a ten spot!

But now Big Lou is out of answers and Mom and I are just dying because this is freaking great.

So Kenny say’s “Tell you what Lou. Every time you hear one of my songs you know just raise your hand and I’ll give you $10. But you have to be honest. I trust you.”

Big Lou: OK!

So the band starts up again and here we go with Coward of the County. After the first few bars up goes Big Lou’s hand and Kenny stroll over to the corner of the stage. Without stopping the song he tosses Lou another $10. He does two more songs and the same thing happens. So now Big Lou is up $40 on the free tickets he got.

The band starts up again and within a few notes his hand shoots up. He’s not going to miss any of this free money. Kenny starts singing Happy Birthday and Big Lou gets busted. But we all laugh, a fifth song starts up and bam, another $10 for Lou.

So now Kenny stops to talk again. He says that now is the time in the show where he asks for volunteers from the audience. He says that there are some rules. If you get picked you have to come up and you can’t volunteer anyone else. But he can.

Kenny: Lou, you have $50 of my money. Come on up here.

So up goes Big Lou and Kenny shows him where to stand. Then he asks for more volunteers.

Again, Mom goes into her Ron Palilo routine and again, sensing her need, Kenny points to Mom and up she goes. Ten more people get picked and they all form a line on stage with Big Lou at the far end of stage left and Mom right next to him.

Meanwhile I’m loving every minute of this, it’s a riot.

Now Kenny grabs a stack of what look like 8x10 pieces of poster board and hands one to each of the people on stage. He announces that they’re all going to sing The 12 Days of Christmas. Each person will sing the line on the card while Kenny sings the rest of the lyrics.

The music starts up and Kenny sings “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…”

Dads up first and even though he’s really a Baritone he’s always thought he was a Bass. In whatever the opposite of a falsetto is, he croaks out “…a partridge in a pear tree”.

Kenny stops.

The music stops.

Without a word he takes my father by the arm and moves him to the other end of the line, takes the last guys card and gives it to Big Lou and gives Big Lou’s card to the guy on the end. That guy gets moved up to the front to stand next to my Mom.

It’s a good crowd and they’re all laughing like hell and applauding. Big Lou is laughing along too. I’m in there in the front row and I must have been laughing harder than anyone else.

The music starts up again and Kenny sings “On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…”

Now it’s Mom’s turn. She used to sing in the church choir. She sings “… a partridge in a pear tree.”

Kenny is shocked.

The music stops and he tries to tell her it’s two turtle doves but Mom isn’t having it! She starts arguing with the man on stage in front of a packed house! She knows the words, and it’s a partridge in a pear tree! He finally points to the card in her hand and eventually it sinks in. Vintage Mom. It was absolutely perfect!

The audience is howling and I am sprawled across all three of our seats, laughing hysterically, and hoping that if I do actually die laughing that someone will resuscitate me fast enough to see the rest of the show.

They try it again and this time Mom comes through.

Finally it’s Big Lou’s turn again, the crowd applauds, the song ends and my parents and the other 10 people on stage all shake Kennys hand and return to their seats.

Kenny does a few more songs, Shelby Lynn comes out and they sing a duet and then the show ends.

As we leave the theater people are calling out to my Dad and he’s waving back, loving the attention “yeah, I got $50” he tells people who ask. I just walk along with Mom and Big Lou, smiling and bemused.

That is probably my favorite Christmas memory. If I ever get the chance to meet Kenny Rogers I fully intend to thank him for the great time, the great show and the great memory.

If you live in a place where he puts on a Christmas show, go see it. Even if you don’t end up in the front row I expect you’ll still enjoy it.

Now please, share a fun and funny holiday memory of your own.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

News Notes

This will be a quick one.

Mona did not get the job. We knew going in that she was an underdog, mostly because she just got past her 6 month anniversary. The person who did get hired has been there a few years and had been a supervisor for a time before taking a step down.

When you have an experienced candidate like that it's hard to reasonably promote the newbie, and Mona understands that. But we think that she did a good job with the interview and and got a little more visibility in the department, so we're not too dissapointed.

As soon as she called and told me I pulled Ajax aside and give him my notice. His first question: "Was it something I did?" We had a talk and I told him the whole story and that I knew this was coming for 2 years. And I also told him that I really felt bad about having to quit on him especially. His second question was "Are you still coming to my Christmas party?" How can you not like a guy like that?

Then he told me that he's concerned about how he'll do in the future too. For the last 2 years as a manager he as been at 100% or better in terms of his quotas and targets. This year he's worked harder and is at 78%. Then he told me in confidence that he applied for a recently announced buyout. He knows that Napoloeon dislikes him too (they're opposites in almost every way imaginable) but even so Nappie convinced him to withdraw his application.

But now Ajax is going back to school for a Masters in something that he really likes with an eye on doing something that he's passionate about long term. And I really hope he does it.

He asked me to try and stay focused, get my loose ends tied up and wished me luck.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me.

You might want to get comfortable, this one turned out a lot longer than I thought it would.

Mona had her interview yesterday and said it went well. She was in there for an hour and twenty minutes, whereas all the other candidates took about 40 minutes. She said both the guys interviewing her said it was a good interview.

She interviews very well, and she has a few techniques that seem to work for getting interviewers to think positively about her. When they ask “Do you have any questions for us?” she always has a couple prepared in advance. Her last question, in my opinion, is sheer genius. She asks “How do you see me fitting into this position?” It makes the interviewer imagine her doing the job and basic etiquette almost demands that they say something positive. And if you leave someone thinking about you in that job, you’re probably ahead of the game. It’s an awesome psychological tactic.

The decision will be made by Monday at the latest. We’re hopeful.

Also, yesterday was Mona’s birthday. We’ve been getting the Hammacher Schlemer catalog for a while now (I have no idea how we go on that mailing list) and she saw something that she really wanted. And when I say wanted what I mean is that she told me in terms that were just this of a demand that she wanted this thing. It’s called a jewelry armoire. It’s basically a wall mounted cabinet about four feet by one and a half feet that lets her hang and organize her jewelry. Of course it’s ridiculously expensive in the catalog, but there are deals if you’re willing to do a little internet browsing.

So I found one that I though she would like, had it shipped to our office and get it home secretly yesterday afternoon. My plan was to leave a little early, go home, and mount the armoire where she told me she wanted it.

I was delayed at the office and further delayed picking up The Peanut from daycare and buying cards and a cake. I was concerned I was going to run out of time, so I called Mona’s boss and asked him if he would do me a favor and delay her for a little while so that I could get everything setup. He held her up an extra 20 minutes and that was all the time I needed.

I got it mounted, cleaned up the mess I made, put my tools away, got rid of the box, changed a stinky diaper, hid the cake, signed the cards, cleaned the glass (the door is mirrored), got the mail, and put some of her jewelry in there just to show it off all before she came home.

She was very pleased and spent some time before we went to dinner moving her jewelry out of her jewelry box and out of some of the various boxes from stores that she has and into the armoire.

So Mona had a pretty good birthday.

Now, onto the bit about paranoia.

I’ve been working in this job since August of 2003. Since sometime in 2004 I have gotten the feeling that my bosses boss, our director, disliked me.

It was never overt, but there was always something of a coldness towards me that I didn’t see him have toward other reps. And then there were the occasional comments from my manager (I’ve had 4 in the last 5 years) that the director (let’s call him Napoleon) had asked about me in ways that made it seem like he wanted to know what I had screwed up lately.

I’d taken him on sales call with me that I felt went well. One in particular stands out in my mind. I had had good conversations with my customers, asked really on the nose questions that got responses like “That’s exactly what my people are asking for!” while he remained silent. After we left he and I talked and I had to explain some of the technology stuff to him, stuff like what a router was for. I also had an engineer with us who was there to gave a very technical presentation. I am very solid with the technology, probably one of the top few in terms of my peers, but I’m not an engineer.

When I got back to the office I asked my boss if Napoleon had given him any feedback. My boss told me that old Boney thought that I should have been able to do the technical stuff instead of bringing out an engineer. Grrrr.

I’ve also been on calls where I’ve taken his boss, an area VP who has authority for all of the company’s business in a third of the US. And I’ve overheard her telling Napoleon that I did a great job on the call (she didn’t know I was listening).

There are other examples of situations where I think I sense his dislike, but who knows, right? Maybe I am just paranoid.

However...

There’s one guy that I work with who knows I am planning to leave. He’s a friend and kind of a mentor and I learn a lot when we talk. He’s also a peer, but he works for a different boss and covers a different type of customer than I do, so we don’t really have a reason to interact on a professional basis. I bumped into him in the hall yesterday and we ducked into a conference room for a few minutes to chat.

We talked about my upcoming resignation, Mona’s interview, and his concerns for our struggling company as well as his plans for the future. We also talked about his wife’s job security as an elementary school principal and his daughters upcoming wedding.

While we were talking Napoleon walked by a couple of times and saw us talking.

Later in the day I had a meeting scheduled with my boss. It’s a standard thing we do here, the bosses sit down and just kind of get updated about what we’re doing and what help we need, if any. It’s called a one on one meeting.

When I sat down with my boss, lets call him Ajax, he told me that he had been chewed out by Napoleon earlier in the day. Ajax had been on customer appointments on Tuesday and then did a bunch of one on one meetings with some of my teammates who work out of our office in Lansing, about 80 miles from here. Yesterday Ajax was working at home while his family was out. He stayed home to get some peace and quiet to while he got caught up from a day on the raod.

Napoleon called and asked him where he was and what he was doing. Then Nappy pointed out that my performance has been subpar in some areas this year and how exactly did I have time to chat with a friend when I should be selling stuff.

Ajax pointed out that he can’t be everywhere at once and that some of Napoleons stats were wrong, but it fell on deaf ears. Then Napoleon told Ajax that if he sees me BS’ing like that again that I’ll be filing for unemployment.

The first question I asked was if it was me who was going to be fired or if it was me and my friend. The answer was it would just be me. In my fantasy world I love to be fired to talking. I’d leave quietly and then calmly drive to my attorney’s office thinking about how much I could get in a wrongful termination suit. But I know that Napoleon is smarter than that. He’d just micromanage me out of the organization by either making me so miserable that I quit or until he’d built a case that was strong enough to allow him to fire me according to policy.

If it wasn’t for the fact that Mona is waiting to hear about her interview I would have just quit on the spot. But now I have to hold out until we know whether or not she gets the job. Her relationship with the company is much more important than mine at this point.

But the whole thing pissed Ajax off. He’s now going to not change my probationary status (it could be advanced further) just to spit in Napoleons eye. I told him that it was OK with me if he needed to sacrifice me in order to make his life easier (Napoleon doesn’t seem to like him much either), but he won’t do that. He’s a good manager and he looks out for his people. If only I could have told him my plans then.

I’m going to quit next week for sure. Based on yesterday’s events I am pretty sure they’re going to decline my two weeks notice and walk me out. I’m thinking about asking Ajax if he wants to put on a show for Nappy, micromanaging me, sending me “serious” emails and hinting at how my job is in jeopardy if I fail to perform. Then at the end of a week or so of that I will just throw up my hands and quit, saying I’ve had enough. I’d do it if it gives Ajax a little break from Napoleon.

What do you think? Should I make that offer or just execute the plan that’s already in place?

And last, do you have any good stories about quitting jobs?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Final Turn

Thirteen more working days as of this writing. I really feel like I quit sometime around yesterday morning. December is my last month and the pressure is off. I don't have to hit a quota, I don't have to go looking for more business, I just need to wait until it's time to leave.

I've been buying my textbooks on line. I ordered 11 of the 13 I need for this semester. Care to guess what that cost? Under $400. I was stunned. I had expected to be into four figures. Amazon rocks.

I've received four of them so far. One last week and three more today. They're not doing anything to keep me focused on cell phones. Part of me wants to start reading them like they're new Christmas presents. The less giddy part keeps reminding me that they're textbooks and I'll get enough of reading them come late January. But I'm still excited.

As much as studying can be a pain in the neck, I really like school. I've been generally good at it, it comes pretty easily and it beats the heck out of working.

Based on the schedule they've sent me it looks like this is going to be like a year of summer school with an average of 19 credits. Some of the classes are 10 weeks long, so I expect they'll be cramming a lot of stuff in as fast as they can.

But ultimately I remind myself that nursing is basically a blue collar job and that you don't have to be a genius to get into nursing. Mom was a nurse and I knew a lot of her friends and they were all just regular people. I've been fortunate to work in post doctoral dentistry, so I know what what geniuses look like (seriously, specialists in dentistry like Orhto, Endo and Perio -dontists are the cream of the crop). And the nurses I know, while good, hardworking and caring are really about as smart as most of the non-nurses I know. And that's why I'm confident I can get through it.

In related news, Mona is interviewing for a lead position on her team on Wednesday. The decision is supposed to be made on Friday. I am actually a selling point for her. I'm her conduit to sales. She has insights that no one else in our office has (likewise I have insight into customer care that most reps don't). It gives her an edge.

She had to fight for the interview since she has only been iwht the company for six months, and did sort of a pre-interview with the hiring manager. Her boss told her she wasn;t qualified, but the hiring manager liked what she had to say and added her to the candidate pool. I'm hoping that means something.

For that reason I won't be actually resigning until Monday at the earliest. Right now her relationship with the company is more important than mine.

It sounds like she might have a decent shot at this job, and the bump in pay would come in handy.

But I can see the finish line pretty clearly now, down at the bottom of an ever steeper, ever shorter, smooth, smooth, hill.