Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me.

You might want to get comfortable, this one turned out a lot longer than I thought it would.

Mona had her interview yesterday and said it went well. She was in there for an hour and twenty minutes, whereas all the other candidates took about 40 minutes. She said both the guys interviewing her said it was a good interview.

She interviews very well, and she has a few techniques that seem to work for getting interviewers to think positively about her. When they ask “Do you have any questions for us?” she always has a couple prepared in advance. Her last question, in my opinion, is sheer genius. She asks “How do you see me fitting into this position?” It makes the interviewer imagine her doing the job and basic etiquette almost demands that they say something positive. And if you leave someone thinking about you in that job, you’re probably ahead of the game. It’s an awesome psychological tactic.

The decision will be made by Monday at the latest. We’re hopeful.

Also, yesterday was Mona’s birthday. We’ve been getting the Hammacher Schlemer catalog for a while now (I have no idea how we go on that mailing list) and she saw something that she really wanted. And when I say wanted what I mean is that she told me in terms that were just this of a demand that she wanted this thing. It’s called a jewelry armoire. It’s basically a wall mounted cabinet about four feet by one and a half feet that lets her hang and organize her jewelry. Of course it’s ridiculously expensive in the catalog, but there are deals if you’re willing to do a little internet browsing.

So I found one that I though she would like, had it shipped to our office and get it home secretly yesterday afternoon. My plan was to leave a little early, go home, and mount the armoire where she told me she wanted it.

I was delayed at the office and further delayed picking up The Peanut from daycare and buying cards and a cake. I was concerned I was going to run out of time, so I called Mona’s boss and asked him if he would do me a favor and delay her for a little while so that I could get everything setup. He held her up an extra 20 minutes and that was all the time I needed.

I got it mounted, cleaned up the mess I made, put my tools away, got rid of the box, changed a stinky diaper, hid the cake, signed the cards, cleaned the glass (the door is mirrored), got the mail, and put some of her jewelry in there just to show it off all before she came home.

She was very pleased and spent some time before we went to dinner moving her jewelry out of her jewelry box and out of some of the various boxes from stores that she has and into the armoire.

So Mona had a pretty good birthday.

Now, onto the bit about paranoia.

I’ve been working in this job since August of 2003. Since sometime in 2004 I have gotten the feeling that my bosses boss, our director, disliked me.

It was never overt, but there was always something of a coldness towards me that I didn’t see him have toward other reps. And then there were the occasional comments from my manager (I’ve had 4 in the last 5 years) that the director (let’s call him Napoleon) had asked about me in ways that made it seem like he wanted to know what I had screwed up lately.

I’d taken him on sales call with me that I felt went well. One in particular stands out in my mind. I had had good conversations with my customers, asked really on the nose questions that got responses like “That’s exactly what my people are asking for!” while he remained silent. After we left he and I talked and I had to explain some of the technology stuff to him, stuff like what a router was for. I also had an engineer with us who was there to gave a very technical presentation. I am very solid with the technology, probably one of the top few in terms of my peers, but I’m not an engineer.

When I got back to the office I asked my boss if Napoleon had given him any feedback. My boss told me that old Boney thought that I should have been able to do the technical stuff instead of bringing out an engineer. Grrrr.

I’ve also been on calls where I’ve taken his boss, an area VP who has authority for all of the company’s business in a third of the US. And I’ve overheard her telling Napoleon that I did a great job on the call (she didn’t know I was listening).

There are other examples of situations where I think I sense his dislike, but who knows, right? Maybe I am just paranoid.

However...

There’s one guy that I work with who knows I am planning to leave. He’s a friend and kind of a mentor and I learn a lot when we talk. He’s also a peer, but he works for a different boss and covers a different type of customer than I do, so we don’t really have a reason to interact on a professional basis. I bumped into him in the hall yesterday and we ducked into a conference room for a few minutes to chat.

We talked about my upcoming resignation, Mona’s interview, and his concerns for our struggling company as well as his plans for the future. We also talked about his wife’s job security as an elementary school principal and his daughters upcoming wedding.

While we were talking Napoleon walked by a couple of times and saw us talking.

Later in the day I had a meeting scheduled with my boss. It’s a standard thing we do here, the bosses sit down and just kind of get updated about what we’re doing and what help we need, if any. It’s called a one on one meeting.

When I sat down with my boss, lets call him Ajax, he told me that he had been chewed out by Napoleon earlier in the day. Ajax had been on customer appointments on Tuesday and then did a bunch of one on one meetings with some of my teammates who work out of our office in Lansing, about 80 miles from here. Yesterday Ajax was working at home while his family was out. He stayed home to get some peace and quiet to while he got caught up from a day on the raod.

Napoleon called and asked him where he was and what he was doing. Then Nappy pointed out that my performance has been subpar in some areas this year and how exactly did I have time to chat with a friend when I should be selling stuff.

Ajax pointed out that he can’t be everywhere at once and that some of Napoleons stats were wrong, but it fell on deaf ears. Then Napoleon told Ajax that if he sees me BS’ing like that again that I’ll be filing for unemployment.

The first question I asked was if it was me who was going to be fired or if it was me and my friend. The answer was it would just be me. In my fantasy world I love to be fired to talking. I’d leave quietly and then calmly drive to my attorney’s office thinking about how much I could get in a wrongful termination suit. But I know that Napoleon is smarter than that. He’d just micromanage me out of the organization by either making me so miserable that I quit or until he’d built a case that was strong enough to allow him to fire me according to policy.

If it wasn’t for the fact that Mona is waiting to hear about her interview I would have just quit on the spot. But now I have to hold out until we know whether or not she gets the job. Her relationship with the company is much more important than mine at this point.

But the whole thing pissed Ajax off. He’s now going to not change my probationary status (it could be advanced further) just to spit in Napoleons eye. I told him that it was OK with me if he needed to sacrifice me in order to make his life easier (Napoleon doesn’t seem to like him much either), but he won’t do that. He’s a good manager and he looks out for his people. If only I could have told him my plans then.

I’m going to quit next week for sure. Based on yesterday’s events I am pretty sure they’re going to decline my two weeks notice and walk me out. I’m thinking about asking Ajax if he wants to put on a show for Nappy, micromanaging me, sending me “serious” emails and hinting at how my job is in jeopardy if I fail to perform. Then at the end of a week or so of that I will just throw up my hands and quit, saying I’ve had enough. I’d do it if it gives Ajax a little break from Napoleon.

What do you think? Should I make that offer or just execute the plan that’s already in place?

And last, do you have any good stories about quitting jobs?